I hate...

Sometimes I am truly convinced that I hate everything. That everything I look at I despise and is worth nothing to me. This includes the times that I look in the mirror. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate the world and it's foolish inhabitants and I hate that I'm one of them. I hate that I get so angry over little things, and I hate that people think I should see someone for it.

I hate that I think I'm nothing, even if it is true. I hate thinking about the future and honestly sometimes I hate thinking that there IS a future. I hate that babies are allowed to be born to such retarded parents, and I hate that that cycle began generations ago with each making the same mistake. I hate that money is the be-all end-all, and I hate that it's unavoidable. I hate how people plan their lives around it, and commonly if you don't, you're fucked and get none of it.

I hate how sometimes I'm naturally social, and I hate how it's a facade. I also hate how frequently I think of just becoming a recluse, and I hate how hard it would be to do so. I hate how deep down inside I care what some people think, and I hate that they think anything at all. I hate the fact that sometimes I feel like nothing is worth anything.

I hate that life is one big game of chance, and I hate that I'm stuck playing it. I hate that people are so competitive and I hate that I get caught up in it. I hate that it's impossible for things to be perfect, yet we live our lives striving for that. I hate how everyone, myself included, throws the word "love" around like it's nothing. I hate that because of that it means nothing on a global scale. I hate that the world is saturated with greed.

I hate that since realizing dreams are only mere escapes from this hell, I have yet to have one. I hated vague nightmares of something I may or may not have done or may have not even done yet. But yet it lingers. I hate that I am not the same person I was even 4 years ago, and I hate how simple things were back then.

I hate that I hate so much, so easily. I hate that in the end we all fall short of our dreams. I hate being a pessimist, and I hate that it's natural. I hate that no one likes this side of me so I'm forced to act like I have my whole life so I don't lose everything. I hate that that bothers me. I hate that people will read this, and I hate that people will care. I hate that typing this doesn't make me feel any better.

Every morning I open my eyes, I hate.

-5.22.09